The Preservation of Me!

The idea of one "preserving" oneself from harm seems somewhat, well stupid. We can't insulate ourselves from what the world throws our way. We can most certainly give it our all, and see that most things never get through, but are we living then, or just being. Taking up breathable air and precious land space!
I told someone tonight that I become very standoffish(not sure that's even word) that I can even become cold, and my screwy logic for this is "Self Preservation!" The fears that we hold are bizarre. I wonder sometimes how I even walk the streets, thinking about the things that could go wrong, and most likely if they will, they will with me. Lady Luck and I , we don't get along, I think in a previous life I was somekind of con-man and Lady Luck smiled on me, now she feels betrayed and keeps kicking the daylights out of my life. Somebody should tell her that I have paid up, those dues, I anted up last round, and pulled nothing short of a pair of deuces..... not even the same colour or suit.........

Tonight I jumped off a really HUGE cliff. I still feel like I am falling, and although it was hard, it was somewhat easy at the same time. I think apart of me is sure that what I did will send him running, and then I am safe. The other side, hopes he buys that ticket and sends her running. Either way, it's out of my hands, figuratively and literally, and now I wait. With nothing short of terror, I DO NOT want to lose my friend, but I would love to gain the bonus...

How easy this will be for me to recess into myself and not allow this to touch me, even though I jumped first. I pushed the little guy over the cliff and didn't even give him a warning....Stupid has no limits.. I am stupid, infinity